FLOWER POWER!

My birthday falls in March, and when my husband and children asked me what I wanted, I replied “My usual gift!” - in other words, flowers for the window boxes and flowerpots outside our house.

It gives me great pleasure and joy to see the window boxes full of flowers with different arrays of colours.  And seeing the daffodils in bloom after the long winter has a positive and uplifting effect on all of us.  Whether we realise it or not, colour can and does affect our mood.  In a similar way, the extra light we are now experiencing in the mornings and evenings has an influence on us.  When we have more light and colour in our lives, we breathe them in and feel it in our cells.  Our cells are sensitive to how we see, smell and feel.  But it is up to us to interpret these senses – do we like what we see or smell?  Do we choose how we feel in the moment of the now?  And if we don’t like something, then make the decision to change it to something more pleasing.  That’s why having flowers in my life always cheers me up – in every sense they really do brighten up my world!

When I was growing up on a farm in Co Galway, my mother took great pride in her flowers.  Our deep window sills were full of geraniums and the smell wafted through the house.  In the garden, the scent of wallflowers filled the air.  To this day, the smell of either of these flowers transports me right back to happy memories of my childhood.   

I took a bunch of flowers into hospital recently when visiting my sister there, but I wasn’t allowed to bring them into the ward.  I couldn’t believe it!  It seems flowers are now seen a source of infection.  What a pity.  At the very least, every hospital ward should have an area dedicated to plants and flowers.  As well as absorbing carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen, I believe that plants and flowers also absorb negativity and release a beautiful energy that helps people to feel happier and more balanced.  You only have to see the reaction of someone receiving an unexpected bunch of flowers to understand this!

When I go to see my elderly mother in the nursing home, I always take her flowers.  She is ninety, has Alzheimer’s, and is unable to talk.  But the smile it puts on her face when I put the flowers in a vase for her says it all, and I know they have cheered her up.  Knowing that it brightens her day each time she looks at her flowers makes me realise how powerful the magical energy of flowers really is.

ADHD - ATTENTION DUE TO HIGHER DIMENSION!

I recently gave a talk to parents whose children have been diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).  I see many such children in my clinics.  Parents of ADHD kids may find that their children need very little sleep, are extremely active, have poor concentration and get distracted easily.  They may also have difficulty with absolute authority and do not like being controlled.  If their high energy levels are suppressed with medication like Ritalin, or if they feel like they do not belong, then they may suffer from low self-esteem, a lack of self-belief and no confidence in themselves.

I told the parents that based on my awareness of treating kids with ADHD over the years, I believe that it might also stand for “Attention Due to Higher Dimension.”  Sometimes it seems as if these children have come into this world with a higher – or different – vibration.  They know who they are, why they are here, and what they want to change.  Only they don’t always fit into the parents’ way of doing things, or into the school system (which they may want to change!).  They may have preferred ways of being taught and may resist rote learning, thus wreaking havoc in some cases, all because they simply do not fit in.

Dr David Weeks of the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland conducted over a thousand interviews with children diagnosed with ADHD.  He found they shared three primary characteristics: (1) a strong will, (2) a good sense of humour and (3) a creative imagination.  I would also add from my experiences that they are often very sensitive: sensitive to certain types of food (ie allergies) and sensitive to other people’s energies, especially if negative!  They can sense integrity and know when they are being lied to.  They almost demand respect and will not give it to others if they feel people are talking down to them.  They can be very compassionate, but may have many fears, particularly of death or of losing a loved one.

If they experience failure in early life, they may give up and develop permanent learning blocks. Sadly, they may then turn their destructiveness on to themselves.  They can also suffer from low blood sugar, leading to mood swings and fatigue problems because their energy levels are unbalanced.  So there are positives and negatives of having kids with ADHD. 

At the end of my talk, a few parents said how lovely it was to focus on seeing ADHD in a positive light, as they felt that often there is negative bias.  Their kids are very imaginative and gifted, and they choose to do only what they want and to work where their gifts lie!  They are here to help create a foundation of honesty and integrity, and to make other people snap out of their cosy existences and see the world in a different way.

So what can be done to help kids with ADHD?

Nutritionally, two things are especially important.  First cut out sugar, as it can interfere with the pancreas, wreaking havoc with the blood sugar levels and hence the child’s mood.  Essential fatty acids (EFA’s) omega 3, 6 and 9 are also very beneficial for children with ADHD.  EFA’s cannot be made by the body and must be ingested.  They can be taken as a supplement, or are found in olive / sunflower / hemp / fish oils.  These EFA’s facilitate the transmission of the nerve impulses that are needed for normal brain functions.  They also support energy metabolism and help us to handle stress.

As parents, teachers, guardians and carers, we all have a responsibility to try and understand these kids and teenagers.  They are very good at sensing integrity and intuitively know when people are lying to them.  In particular, they do not like to be spoken down to.  I have heard the following words on numerous occasions: “I feel misunderstood and nobody really listens to me.  Why can’t people accept me for who I am, and stop trying to change me?” 

Adults have a tendency to believe that we are OK and that the child has the problem.  Kids with ADHD will not allow you to keep deluding yourself!  If you continue to ignore or hide behind your fears, then these children may create havoc.  Frequently, when a child has a behavioural issue, the parents or teachers can get very stressed, lose their perspective and become immersed in the problem.  Children respond to this negative energy and judgement, and their behaviour deteriorates.  It’s not that children live your life, doing exactly what they want when they want without restriction or respect.  Children need parenting.  They need well defined boundaries with consistent and fair discipline.  And they need to be listened to!

Every child comes into this world with a need.  That need is to be “loved.”  This love is unconditional.  You love your child freely for who they are, without placing conditions or judgement on that love.  Love heals all relationships, dissolves all negative behaviours and brings harmony to every situation.      

I sometimes feel that we as a society are guilty of losing perspective about children with ADHD.  Yes, they are different, and yes they can sometimes be hard work … but if we could only step back and focus a little more on all their positive characteristics and attributes, we might see the situation in a different light … and more importantly, the children themselves would feel more appreciated, valued and understood.

The First Primrose of Spring

Saturday is housework day in the Gardner household, and last Saturday was no exception.  With four kids, weekends are always a busy time, and as usual we had a tight schedule to get all the chores done before Mum and Dad’s taxi service started work!  My husband and I usually walk our two dogs together at the weekend, but as there were so many chores to do and so little time, I told him to walk the dogs on his own.  We are extremely lucky where we live: right behind us are wonderful open fields and streams where the local farmer lets us walk our dogs.

A couple of minutes after he left, my husband called me on my mobile.  “It’s far too beautiful a day to stay at home.  Just drop everything and come for a walk.  We can do the housework tomorrow!”  And although I felt a bit guilty about leaving the house untidy, I dropped everything and joined him and our two dogs.  And boy! – was I glad I did.  Last Saturday was simply a gorgeous day, the first real taste of spring we have had so far this year.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing, not a cloud in sight, and it was so warm it could have been a summer’s day.  Bliss!  And as we walked through the fields, in a sheltered, sunny spot we found some primroses – the first of the year.  Despite all the gloom, recession, bail-outs and household charges, those simple primroses lifted my heart and made me feel good about the arrival of spring and the end of winter.

As we walked back to the (untidy!) house, I thought to myself how glad I was that my husband had called.  Had I stayed at home, we might have had a tidy house, but I would have missed out on the delight of that lovely walk with my husband and dogs, and the uplifting joy of seeing those primroses.  It’s so true that the simple pleasures are often the best ones!

So take a step back and ask yourself “Have I got my priorities right?”  Sometimes we get caught up in the merry-go-round of life, rushing from task to task, always striving and never arriving.  Or if we do give ourselves a break, we feel guilty about all the other things we ought to be doing.  Of course, by Sunday evening the house was tidy, and the world hadn’t stopped turning!  And I know where I’ll be next Saturday if we are lucky enough to have another beautiful spring day.  Remember: nobody ever said on their deathbed “I wish I’d done more housework!”    

Healing Hurts

Why do we hurt so easily?  Why can’t we just let go of our disappointments, our anger, the put-downs against us and the bad way we feel when someone says something that upsets us?  In some instances, we do let things go, but in other cases we can hang on to the hurt for months, years or even a lifetime.

We’ve all been hurt at some stage in our lives.  We think: How could they say that?  How could they be so unkind?  How dare they put me down!  Who do they think they are?  Every time we think of the person, the situation and the pain, it brings with it an emotion.  That emotion, if unpleasant, will make us feel sad, angry, bitter, jealous and so on.  The hurt, and the person who caused it, still have power over us.  Worse still, if we are hurting, we may also be our own worst enemy.  When we are feeling our own hurts inside us – often unconsciously, in other words unaware to ourselves – then we are in a prime position to attract more of the same into our lives! 

So how can we stop the hurt?  The first step is forgiveness, but not to the perpetrator of the hurt.  No, first we have to forgive ourselves, and stop being so hard on ourselves.  Then recognise that we all have the power within us to change the hurtful thought when it comes up.  When you think of the hurt, just say “STOP!  DELETE!” and begin to shake it out of your whole mind and body experience.  If you don’t let go, you might get a headache, a sore throat, high blood pressure, bad skin or worse: holding on to hurt can and does affect the body over time! 

Think to yourself: do you want the hurt to carry on and have a negative influence on you for the rest of your life?  Or would you prefer to break its power over you and look forward to a brighter, more positive future?  When you put it in these terms, it’s not a difficult choice!  I know from personal experience that letting go of hurt is more easily said than done … but I also know the benefits you will enjoy if you do so, and the damage you will do to yourself if you don’t!  You don’t necessarily have to forgive the other person (although it’s better if you can), but you do have to forgive yourself to break the vicious circle of hurt simply causing more hurt.

So next time you feel a hurtful thought coming up, make a conscious decision to change it to something positive.  Say to yourself: 

• I now choose to be kind to myself in my thoughts.
• I choose to accept myself.
• I choose to enjoy my day.
• I choose to dissolve all pain and anger attached to this situation, and in doing so I am acknowledging the love I have inside me!

Remember that love and hurt are lying side by side.  Look to your left and there is pain and anger.  But look right and there is inner peace, contentment and love.  All it takes is a 51% pull in the right direction to get there!  Choose the way that allows you to dismiss other people’s issues and not let them get inside you.  You cannot change other people, but you can change yourself! 

HOMEOPATHY FOR COUGHS & COLDS

Dear Breda, My three year old daughter keeps getting repeated coughs and colds with sore throats and ear infections.  She has had numerous antibiotics and yet she still gets ill again!  She has fatigue, wakes up coughing at night and won’t settle.  I’m now exhausted too!  Homeopathic remedies have helped my best friend’s kids, and she swears by it.  So can you recommend anything to help my daughter?  I am concerned for her, and worry that if she doesn’t get better, the next stage of her treatment will be inhalers and steroids, and I don’t want to go down that road.  Regards.  Pam.   

Dear Pam, Of course you are exhausted and anxious, like any concerned parent would be!  Antibiotics will work when there is a bacterial infection, but if she is suffering from a virus, they will have no effect at all on your daughter, and her symptoms may be further pushed into the body, suppressing her vital force / energy and creating fatigue.  When a cough lingers on for months, it may then be diagnosed as bronchitis, pneumonia or asthma, but there may be a simpler explanation, and there are alternatives to inhalers and steroids. As ever, if you have any concerns, consult with a registered health professional. 

I would start by looking at your daughter’s diet.  First, try removing the most common allergens – cow’s milk and wheat – and see if that improves her condition.  Cow’s milk is acidic and can create excess mucous and catarrh which may result in a cough or ear infections as the body tries to discharge the overload.  Replace the wheat with rye, oat, rice, spelt or gluten-free bread.  Encourage your daughter to drink plenty of water to help dilute the acid build up in the body and to help eliminate the toxins.

Homeopathy could also help.  The beauty of homeopathic medicine is that it is gentle and non-toxic for the body.  It works by stimulating the body’s own healing mechanisms, thus helping the person to heal themselves.  There are six potential remedies that I would recommend for your daughter: match her symptoms to the remedy.  If you are unsure, you can give remedies of the same potency together.  You can buy the remedies at health shops or pharmacies.  Give a 30 potency 4 hourly on the first day and 8 hourly for one to two weeks until your daughter is better for at least 2 days. 

Aconite: this remedy should be in everyone’s first aid kit at home!  Use Aconite at the first sign of any cough, cold or inflammation (within 12 – 24 hours of signs / symptoms appearing).  Aconite helps you to breathe more easily by opening the airways: it also helps to release fears and shocks, thus making the patient more relaxed.  Use when symptoms of cough / cold / temperature come on suddenly, and are worse after exposure to cold, dry wind.  The associated cough is usually hoarse, dry and painful.  

Belladonna: this remedy is sometimes described as a natural Paracetamol, and it helps to bring down a high temperature.  Use when the following symptoms are present: both cheeks blazing red, possibly accompanied by a headache.  Patient feels extremely hot.  Barking cough with sore throat.  Right-sided earache.

Hepar Sulph: this remedy is like a natural antibiotic for ear, nose and throat infections.  Use if the cough is painful and barking, phlegm is thick and yellowish green, and chest is rattley.  The patient may feel bad-tempered, irritable and weak.  They may also feel the cold easily, and like to have their head covered, even when indoors!  They may also be better for warm drinks.        

Arsenicum: good for colds that start in the nose.  Typically there is a thin, watery, burning discharge from the nose, and the patient sneezes a lot, with a wheezy cough.  They may feel hot in the head yet chilly in the body, and will only take small sips of water.  Other symptoms include being anxious and restless, worse for lying down (so elevate with pillows on the top of the bed), and better for sitting up.  Arsenicum helps the airways to open, releases anxiety from the body, and makes the patient feel more relaxed.  It’s a great remedy to help bring in more inner peace into the body.  

Pulsatilla: this is a great remedy for ear-ache especially if left sided.  Discharges from the BODY/NOSE are thick, BLAND/BLOND and yellow-green.  If the patient is a child, they may be moody, whingey, clingy and tearful.  They may have no thirst, or thirstlessness even with a fever.  They are also worse for a warm, stuffy room, and better for being in the open fresh air.  They won’t like the dark and like to have a light left on as they feel abandoned and can take ages to get off to sleep.  Pulsatilla helps to clear out the toxic build-up in the lymphatic system, ie from the tonsils, ears and so on.

Lycopodium: use where the cough is worse for lying down, and the patient wakes up constantly at 4 am.  Symptoms include a thick, yellow and offensive discharge, deafness (or echoes in the ears), and an angry mood due to feeling insecure – they like to know you are nearby!  They may also crave sweets, and eat very little.  Lycopodium helps to detox the body, reduces the craving for sweets and encourages the appetite.  

To learn more about the benefits of homeopathy, why not come along to my Homeopathic First Aid & Positive Living Course in Kilkenny and Waterford starting in March 2012 – call me on 087 2025753 for more details, or see my website www.bredagardner.com.  The course aims to give you the confidence to be able to prescribe homeopathic remedies for minor ailments, and I also cover the importance of diet, plus recommendations on boosting your immune system.

Learning to forgive

LEARNING TO FORGIVE

As people move forward on their own healing journeys, the most incredible, wonderful and unthinkable changes can happen.  The hurts that have been carried for so long can be healed.  When I reflect on my work as a complementary therapist, I often think that one of the greatest privileges is to hear people’s stories, and to see how seemingly insurmountable obstacles can be overcome.  Even when everything else is gone, even after all these years, we still have hope.  

One of my clients recently told me an amazing story about her relationship with her late mother.  I encouraged her to write down the story, and was blown away by what she wrote.  Her words are so beautiful, brave, painfully honest, moving and inspiring, that I asked her if I could share them.  Fortunately she agreed, so here is her story:

“Learning to forgive is one of the hardest things that can come into our lives.  We all have feelings and if these are hurt by others, it can be hard to get over.  We grow up expecting to get approval from our parents and sometimes this does not come, although at the time we probably do not recognise it.

My parents split when I was very young and my mother brought a step-father into our lives.  It was clear to me and my brother, when their child was born, that we were in the way. So the growing up and drifting away began.  I was into my late forties when I realised that the way things were between me and my mother was never going to be any different, that I could not change how things were and that what was important was my own family.

My step-father left my mother when my first child was born, and after that she became very bitter. She never got over it, and was still the same when she died at 81, seven years ago.  It was hard accepting my mother’s passing, as I came to terms, again, that things would never change and were beyond ever putting right.

When someone close passes away we can often find that we really knew nothing about them, what had moulded their lives. So last year I went to see my mother’s sister and asked her about a broken romance I had sort of known about.  It turned out that Mum had been dumped on the eve of her wedding: she was 19 and it was Friday 13^th June 1941.  She met and married my father a year later.

Then a couple of months later I was speaking to a second cousin who told me my mother had been on the brink of being adopted as a young child, by his mother, her aunt.  This didn’t happen as the aunt found she was going to have her own child.  So Mum stayed with her lovely mother, but with a father who abused her.

So here I am beginning to understand what made my mother the way she was.  Yes, pity and sadness, if only I had known, all these things come into my mind.  What has come from this is the forgiveness I feel towards her and the cloud that lifts up and away.

We all have a story, each one of us.  Every light in a window, there is a story to tell, however large or small, happy or sad.  We must all look into the sunlight and leave the troubles of our lives in the shadows behind.” 

Wow! 

Emotions in Motion

Based on my experience, I consider emotions as moving energies that can either strengthen or deplete our bodies.  We cannot see our emotions, but we can certainly feel them in our bodies.  Happiness, rage, fear, love, depression, disgust, guilt, pride, helplessness: even the mere mention of these words, let alone the emotions they describe, can affect us.  Indeed, it could be said that it is our range of emotions that distinguishes us from the rest of the animal kingdom. 

In my experience, many people are unaware of the effects that emotions can have on us.  Emotions can and do manifest themselves in physical symptoms in the body.  Anger can be stored the liver, which then pours out its imbalances into the skin as psoriasis.  Grief can work its way into the lungs, making us feel pain, resistance and an inability to be kind to ourselves.  But happiness and love, stored in our hearts, can help us to overcome the most difficult of circumstances.  I believe that in the future, medicine will show us where the energy in our bodies is blocked, and which emotions affect different organs.

We have the power within us to control our emotions and thus control our health and well-being.  We know that our emotions are our feelings, but where do they come from?  They don’t just appear out of thin air!  Our emotions are primarily based on the life experiences which are stored in our subconscious minds.  What has happened to us in the past – or present – determines our emotions.  But our emotions are more than just that.  The same event can provoke different emotions in different people.  Our beliefs, our outlook, our attitude, our upbringing, our circumstances, our constitution and our conscious minds are all important when it comes to emotions.  Some people are born happy, some are born serious.  Some people choose to be happy, some choose to be serious.  The choice is our own.

We all have a memory bank of happy and sad times – but ask yourself “What are my present thoughts?”  Because consciously you have the power to change your thoughts over time to become less habitually negative to become more and more positive in your life.  Now, more than ever, we need to be working on ourselves to connect to the uplifting emotions in our minds: not just for our own benefit, but also because if we are positive, we actively help other people around us who may be going through a rough patch.  

My next positive living workshop “Understanding Emotions, & Why Healing is Forgiving” explores this theme in more depth.  Full of practical tips and techniques and real life case studies, and taking a fun-based approach, the workshop topics include:  

·         What are emotions and why do we have them?

·         How different emotions affect different parts of our bodies: for better and for worse

·         Making a conscious decision to be positive

·         Healing is forgiving, and forgiving is healing

·         Love is the greatest emotion of all

 “Understanding Emotions, & Why Healing is Forgiving” takes place on Saturday 11^th December from 10.00 am to 2.00 pm at the Woodlands Hotel, Dunmore Rd, Waterford.  Call 087 2025753 for more information, or see www.bredagardner.com.